“Great. You know I love these things.”
Monday, October 31, 2011
Out Of Smokes - Ep. 2
“How’s the chow?”
“Great. You know I love these things.”
“And you know there’s nothing but cereal and artificial flavors in those pellets, don’t you?” Brian asked and took a drag, watching the remains of the pizza with disgust.
“…Now there are two problems with that question,” Jack said and looked up arrogantly at his owner, while chewing patiently. “First, you’re the genius who feeds this crap to me. And second, you’re talking about healthy food after having pizza before noon and sucking on that coffin nail.”
“Amusing, isn’t it?”
“Irony mostly is. Unless you die from it.”
“How would that be?” Brian asked curious all of the sudden, crossing his legs. He didn’t even change his suit. He just tossed the jacket on a chair, loosened his tie, ordered from “Antonio’s” and celebrated doing nothing while doing nothing on his couch.
“You’re developing a strange fascination towards death, buddy” Jack said and jumped on the couch, stretched and slowly started licking himself clean.
“There’s nothing strange about that, cat. Humans have always found the concept… appealing.”
“Right, right… Cats don’t. We hunt, we kill, it’s fun. Nothing deep about it. You don’t see many tigers pondering about the place where they’re going after kicking the bucket…”
“Nine lives and all that jazz. What do I know? …What were you asking?” the orange and white feline asked again, pausing the licking for a moment.
“Ironically dying. I’m on the verge of having an epiphany here…”
“Now that’s a joke… People don’t have epiphanies, it’s just an impression. Your so called inspiration comes from the little things you don’t even notice. Like the fact that you must buy another pack of cigarettes...” Jack explained.
Brian looked inside the carton recipient. Empty indeed. He grabbed his black and white tennis shoes and put them on, throwing the cat another glance. The evil little creature seemed too absorbed with licking his fur off. He grabbed his keys and walked out.
It felt kind of good not being attached to a cell phone or a briefcase for a change, especially on a Monday morning. Or was it noon already? Brian decided not to check his watch. He noticed that whenever he did that something bad would happen. Like spilling hot coffee on his leg. The thought hit him like a brick in the face. He turned and looked at himself in a coffee shop’s window, cursing under his breath at the sight of the dark spot on his trousers. He looked up at the green sign and cheered up. Irony was funny indeed.
Brian stopped at the kiosk where he usually purchased his cigarettes, but looked down the street. It was calm, autumn throwing around pile of dark orange leaves all over the grey sidewalk. A pale warm sun was shining down from a rather white sky. He took the air in and it didn’t smell like car exhaust.
“Hey, there, Brian!” said the old man, tipping his hat a little.
“Good day to you, Sam! How’s things?”
“Same old, same old… Old,” the man chuckled under his bushy white mustache. “And you? You seem in a good mood for a change.”
“Got fired today, Sam. Enjoying the illusion of freedom,” Brian joked.
“That’s the spirit, boy! You should go have some fun. All these fucking corporate bastards want to do is keep you down… The usual?”
“Yes, please. And yeah, I’ve been meaning to do just that. Any suggestions?”
“Aside a bottle of Old Turkey and bowling? No. We’ve got different ideas about fun, kid. Take a walk. Maybe an idea will spark!”
Brian nodded, paid for the cigarettes and thanked Sam. If only he knew he murdered a guy just a couple of hours before. …He’d congratulate him! Brian realized and started laughing to himself while people started throwing strange glances in his direction.
Before he knew it, he was on his way to the office. Fun was the word and the idea just hit him out of nowhere. Or was it something Sam said? He did some shopping and just around noon he made it to his former working place, carrying a large bucket covered with paper bag.
“Mornin’, Dave!” said Brian, saluting cheerfully the fat guard.
“Good… day, sir” the man replied terribly confused. He had no idea who that guy was nor did he care. His face seemed familiar, but he was sure he never said hello before.
Brian whistled along with the elevator as it went up to the tenth floor, making people look at him with a little envy. Nobody was that cheerful on a Monday morning. Finally, a guy with glasses leaned over and asked.
“Oh, yes! Definitely!” he replied and rushed through the doors as they opened, cackling.
“Bri-“ started the blonde secretary but before she could even finish the word, he was already in Amanda’s office.
“Norris!” she jumped and hung the phone without even realizing. “I take it you’re feeling better…” the woman added, raising an eyebrow. It made him really glad he decided to do this today – her complicated red curly hair in that awful cut, her terribly stereotypical business clothes and especially her fat body made him sick. She was like a pig trying to fit in with the swans. It wasn’t the weight that bothered him, it was the attitude. She really didn’t know how to fake it.
“I’m perfect!” he said excitedly and emptied the bucked on her desk. A giant defrosted turkey greeted Amanda’s gaze. She yelped and started screaming in that high pitched voice.
“Have you lost your mind, Norris?! Get this thing out of my office before I call security!”
Brian smiled calmly and said: “Good bye, you annoying fat forever-bitching cunt,” and lit the long fuse, hidden from her ex-boss’ eyes. He turned and just when he opened the glass door, the large firecracker exploded, decorating Amanda’s officer and person with bird insides.
Through the screams and the agitation of people rushing from their cubicles to see what had happened, Brian walked calmly, laughing softly to himself.
“…Should have brought Jack along. I think he would have enjoyed that.”
He pulled out a cigarette and lit it in the elevator.
“Hey, no smo-…” started a guy but changed his mind after seeing the… interesting look in Brian’s eyes.